What is it with MARRIAGE?

Well, my whole great family is overjoyed because of the upcoming wedding of my cousin. We did the engagement ceremony several weeks ago and her wedding is to be held this coming October. In a sense, everyone is relieved now that one of us will actually tie the knot. :) I'm happy for her!!

Now, talking about all the detail preparations...my Mum just couldn't help herself but to brag about me, the one event organizer, the multi-task gal ...the wondergirl of the family...They bought her words and called me up for a meeting.

Voila...they appointed me to be the coordinator for the whole event. I was thrilled. I mean, I did this for others, why wouldn't I wanna do it for my own cousin, right?

So, anyway ...we began the many meetings to discuss details, site visit, making layout, tailored the whole rundown and things. I offered to make the short movie clip for their reception. They were thrilled, of course.

MARRIAGE

As I was sitting and having dinner with my cousin's family, I couldn't help but noticing how easy and light they took this whole thing. Well, to call it a preparation..as far as i observed, they were busy preparing for the event, the venue, the menu, decor, the pre-wedding photo session and all. I was wondering whether they have taken the time to prepare themselves on the essence. I mean, venue, menu and decor were all important, but there is something else that is more important, even the most important...well, at least, I believe it is for me though. 

Wedding, I believe is just an event, a ceremony. It's a one time thing. It's a one day happening. 

As for MARRIAGE, it's a legal union of a man and a woman. Yes, marriage is a legal institution between two parties. But not only it is a legal institution (which is protected under the law), but also a spiritual institution. 

Marriage was the first institution that was ordered and introduced by God to mankind. The idea of marriage didn't come from some soap story of Romeo and Juliet, or some Hollywood producers. It didn't come from any Ken and Barbie doll story. It was originated from the very heart of God Himself. 

I find it very romantic, when God purposely put Adam to sleep while He worked His wonder and formed Eve out of the bone of Adam. Then when He was done, He Himself brought and presented her to Adam - not by some kind of middleman effort or some TV show version of today's TAKE HIM OUT.

Turning on my sanctified imagination, I saw God holding Eve closed by His side, walking her by the isle and presented her, unblemished, pure and without spots, to Adam. I think, based on this ancient truth that today’s fathers would walk their daughters by the isle to be presented to the grooms.

Why marriage?

Some people I know have their marriage life easy. I mean, there were some occasional rough rides, but overall the family stay together, finances are in tact, their kids grew up ‘normally’ – as most people would say.

But then, what is normal?

One of the definition given by the Webster Dictionary of the word normal is:

a.       according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle

b.       conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern

So, who’s standard are we using to be able to label some marriage as ‘normal’? Into what kind of type do we conform ourselves in the area of marriage? Are we just calling it normal because of some regular pattern that we see in society?

What was His idea of Marriage?

There is this one ancient quote that I could not shake in reference to marriage. In the book of Malachi, it was revealed that God wanted a godly offspring from the union of man and wife.

A godly offspring.

Picture this. The idea of a godly offspring doesn’t only imply as merely ‘good’ boys and girls. I’d like to picture this as the prophet Joel described, a young generation that would be able to see and prophecy. A generation that would speak things into existence. A generation that would be sensitive to the timing and season of God. A generation that would walk in the authority of God the Almighty.

I believe even the best wedding organizer in town would not be able to construct this kind of result. Not even the best building and catering nor the best pre-wed photographer would be brilliant enough to prepare you for this. It takes God Himself to walk us through the isle up to the altar and all through life for us to have this kind of offspring. It takes humility from our part to acknowledge His blueprint as a standard of living, as a constitution in which we based our judgment as normal living.

As I help out in preparing my cousin’s wedding, I say a prayer in my heart for her and her future husband. May their union together be blessed by God. May they have godly offspring who will walk in the power and authority of God. 

Message In A Bottle

Message In A Bottle stars Robin Wright Penn as Theresa Osborne, a writer for the Chicago Tribune. While her son visits her cheating ex-husband, Theresa goes on a vacation by herself. One day, while running on the beach, she finds a bottle washed up on the shore. She opens it and inside finds a love letter unlike any she's ever read.
Captivated by the author's words of love, she returns to her job at the Tribune where she convinces her boss to run an article about the mystery writer, known only as "G." He approves, and Theresa begins her hunt. Scrutinizing every physical detail of the letter and the path the bottle may have taken, she eventually locates Garret Blake (Kevin Costner), a North Carolina boat-restorer who has not been the same since the tragic death of his beloved wife Catherine.
Since her death, Garret has written several letters to his dead wife, put them in a bottles, and let them loose in the sea. As Theresa spends time with Garret, she quickly falls in love with him, though she neglects to tell him she knows about the letters. Garret, prodded by his cantankerous, no-nonsense dad, Dodge (Paul Newman), emerges from his shell of grief and develops an interest in Theresa as well. Theresa returns to Chicago and Garret soon visits her; he meets her son, Jason (Jesse James), but also discovers her knowledge of the letters. Eventually the two, who have both lost love, must cast off their emotional baggage and decide if they will pursue love even if it can't always last.

***

What a love story!!  A Movie like this would sure entice many young women (and ummm… many 'love crazy' men, too) to drool over and search for the love of their live. An emotional awakening was purposely put together by Nicholas Sparks to portray a romantic search for the romance of life - though in most of his stories have bitter endings.

Now, don't get me wrong yet (put down the stones, please…hehehe). In my opinion, searching for true love is quite normal. Who am I to judge that if a person desire to have a lover, he or she is off track?

I believe we're all born with a longing for a true love, that as human, we not only have brains but also have hearts. We are capable of both THINKING and FEELING. That way, we are born with a capacity to love and be loved. We are created and born with the capacity to be romantic :) It's in our DNA.

In a matter of fact, the whole story of creation began with a LOVE STORY, a divine love story.

The whole first chapter of the story was dedicated in portraying how this unique Person was thinking, planning, creating and making into existing, a beautiful Garden for the lover of His heart. This was far more greater than the Hanging Gardens of Babylon that was built by King Nebuchadnezzar II for his wife.

In all the mystery of universe, He created men that were capable of both thinking and feeling, to receive or to reject, to love or to hate - all in their own FREE act of will- toward Him. He was not creating robots that were pre-programmed to love Him back, nor a toy that He could carry around silently.

He was creating a companion, a mate, a partner for life…for Him.

Then…sin came into that beautiful garden and destroyed the relationship, the beautiful romance that had sprung.

Men died. He lost a lover and it grieved Him.

After so many messages and letters through the ages, in search for His lover, He finally sent His greatest love letter. The difference with Sparks’ letter, His didn’t come inside bottles. His didn’t come in a form of white paper, but in flesh and blood. The whole embodiment of the message was not wrapped in an envelope, but in human skin and bones. This love letter was not written with ink but with drops of blood that dripped and wetted the brown rocky soil. His greatest love letter was nailed on a rugged tree.

This is crazy love, you may say. Yes, I agree. This Supreme Person was and is and continues to love men passionately. He is madly in love with men.

As you read this, look around you…

And when you see the bright morning sun smile at you

When you feel the gentle breeze of the wind caressing your face

When shower of rain asking you to dance in the street

When the beautiful color of the wild flowers greet your way

And the little sparrow hops by your office window

You know Somebody is whispering a gentle message in your heart…

“I love you.”

A lesson on Forgiveness

Forgiveness is an act of faith, meaning you do it first before seeing any result.
Forgiveness is an act of obedient to God.
You can not wait until the pain is healed to render forgiveness to the one that has hurt you.
man can not heal the wound in your heart, God can - and he is the only one able to do so.
All you need to do is release the forgiveness and then allow God to heal the pain in your heart.
Not releasing forgiveness will hinder God from healing the wound in our heart.

Forgiveness is not a matter of finding who is right or wrong
The fact that somebody is hurt
And as a child of God, I need to do all I can to resolve it
Not pointing finger and find old records of facts
and get the wounds even bigger than what it is

Forgiveness will allow the hands of the Master to work wonder
cleaning out all the germs, stitch the cut and
put around the bandage to the wound
all with the assurance of complete recovery

Do away with the explanation later...
May the love of the Great Physician heal the broken heart...

Buka Dulu Topengmu

Tapi buka dulu topengmu,
buka dulu topengmu
Biar kulihat warnamu,
kan kulihat warnamu

Itu katanya Peterpan. Mendengar lagu itu di radio, sambil nyengir aku jadi inget sama berita yang masuk ke BB-ku baru-baru ini. BTW...ini kisah nyata abad ini lho... brace yourself...here it is:

DUBES ARAB BATALKAN PERNIKAHAN GARA-GARA CALON ISTRI BERJENGGOT

Seorang duta besar (dubes) Arab membatalkan pernikahannya setelah mengetahui kalau calon istrinya ternyata punya jenggot dan bermata juling! Selama ini wajah wanita itu selalu tertutup cadar.

Demikian seperti diberitakan media Arab berbahasa Inggris, Gulf News dan dilansir kantor berita AFP, Kamis (11/2/2010).

Sebelumnya diplomat Arab tersebut cuma beberapa kali bertemu dengan calon istrinya itu. Dan tiap kali pertemuan, sang wanita selalu menutupi wajahnya dengan cadar.

Setelah pasangan itu menandatangani kontrak pernikahan, sang dubes mencoba mencium mempelai wanita. Saat itulah, pria yang dirahasiakan identitasnya itu mengetahui kalau wanita itu memiliki jenggot dan bermata juling.

Melihat kenyataan itu, sang dubes pun menuntut pembatalan kontrak pernikahan. Dia juga menuntut ganti rugi sebesat 500 ribu dirham (sekitar Rp 1,2 miliar) atas perhiasan, pakaian dan barang-barang lainnya yang telah diberikan untuk wanita tersebut.

Dalam persidangan di pengadilan syariah di Uni Emirat Arab, dubes tersebut mengaku telah ditipu dengan pernikahan tersebut. Sebab selama ini ibu wanita tersebut telah memperlihatkan foto saudara perempuan calon istrinya, bukannya foto wanita itu sendiri.

Pengadilan memang mengabulkan permohonan sang dubes untuk membatalkan pernikahan tersebut. Namun pengadilan menolak tuntutan kompensasi yang diajukannya.

Pria Bertopeng? Wanita Bercadar?

Saya kira dua-duanya sama aja. Don't we like to cover ourselves in fear of rejection, in the uncertainty of being valued and accepted for all we are, for being ourselves?

Di jaman dulu ada juga nih yang kena batunya...gara2 cadar. Pria malang itu adalah Yakub, saudara kembar dari Esau, cucu dari konglomerat Timur Tengah Abraham, yang nama besarnya dikenal dimana-mana.

Yakub jatuh cinta pada pandangan pertama dengan seorang gadis yang masih terhitung sanak keluarganya. Gadis itu, Rahel, elok sikapnya dan cantik parasnya. What a rare combination these days!! Berbeda dengan Lea, sang kakak, yang menurut catatan yang kubaca, memiliki mata yang tidak berseri.

Nah, sangking sudah mabuk kepayang cintanya pada Rahel, Yakub sama sekali tidak keberatan untuk bekerja selama 7 tahun -sebagai gembala ternak- bagi calon mertuanya. Aduh...kalo dipikir-pikir, cinta itu dahsyat juga ya. Masa sih 7 tahun serasa beberapa hari aja. Tanpa dibayar pake duit laginya. Wuihhh...Jacob was a fool for Rachel!

Setelah tiba waktu 7 tahun, hari yang dinanti-nantikan pun tiba....THE WEDDING DAY!

Menurut tradisi pada masa itu, seorang mempelai laki-laki tidak diijinkan untuk melihat wajah pasangannya, sampai setelah upacara perkawinan berlangsung, dan mereka masuk ke tenda privat mereka. And... when the celebration was over... Jacob, almost lost his mind with all the waiting he did... opened up the veil on his bride's head...only to find that he had married the WRONG one!

Topeng dan Cadar dalam Pernikahan

Orang bilang, emangnya nikah itu kayak beli kucing dalam karung? Musti kenal dulu dong sama 'kucing'-nya...hehehe. Well, idealnya sih begitu. Makanya banyak pasangan yang kemudian mengambil langkah "pe-de-ka-te', seperti halnya pasutri yang kukenal beberapa bulan belakangan ini. Pernikahan mereka sedang dilanda badai. Penyebabnya...klasik, ...orang ketiga. Sang suami tidak habis pikir mengapa istrinya begitu mudah kepincut dengan laki-laki lain yang notabene adalah kenalan mereka juga dan tinggalnya hanya 1 blok di belakang rumah mereka.

Ternyata masalah mereka yang kemudian menjadi pelik ini dimulai dari berbagai ketidakcocokan dan mis-komunikasi yang berkembang menjadi ketawaran dalam perkawinan mereka.

Apakah mereka sempat belajar saling mengenal waktu berpacaran dulu? Apakah ada tahap 'pe-de-ka-te' yang membuat mereka masing-masing nyaman untuk saling membuka topeng dan cadar mereka?

Menurut sang suami semasa pacaran dulu mereka sering dinner bersama, jalan-jalan ke mall dan nonton bioskop. Very common... Then I asked him, "kalian ngobrol apa aja kalo lagi jalan bareng."

"Ngobrol sih...tentang... tentang...ummm...apa ya? Lupa."

"Gubraaakss!!"

"Gak inget lagi. Ya..kami gak banyak ngobrol deh kayaknya waktu itu. Aku juga udah kepepet harus segera married, karena papaku sakit-sakitan."

No wonder. Istilah 'pe-de-ka-te' yang sering terdengar itu ternyata bermakna...jalan bareng, dinner di luar and nonton bioskop. Malah ada yang langsung ke grepe-grepe.

No wonder...topeng dan cadar itu masih saja nempel di wajah bahkan setelah mengatakan, "I do" di depan pendeta.

No wonder... pernikahan kemudian dipenuhi kejutan-kejutan warna-warni, seperti percikan mercon dan petasan di malam tahun baru, karena topeng dan cadar yang mulai terbuka perlahan-lahan.

Aku jadi kepingin nyanyi bareng Peterpan...

tapi buka dulu topengmu...

buka dulu topengmu...

biar kulihat warnamu...

kan kulihat warnamu....

When are You Gonna Settle Down?

"So, when are you gonna settle down?" I heard my friends ask me. Well, to be frank, this is not the first time somebody ask me this kind of question. I've grown accustom to sound of it. Heard it in family gathering, old friends reunion and small group family dinner. The exact words might vary but the ultimate curiosity of these well-meaning friends and family is...they wanna know when will I decide to 'settle down'.

What is this idea of settling down? To get married, have kids, start a family...?
It is as if by being single would mean that you haven't got there yet. That you are still somewhere there up in the ozone.

Seems like life is not complete yet, like you have not live your life... NOT COMPLETE ...yet.

Uhhh...I could not shake this thought. So bothering me!

Does it mean, as long as you are not married - you only live half way of the portion of joy, enthusiasm, exuberant life you suppose to have?

To be honest - I feel quite satisfied with my singleness. I'm not lacking anything. God supply me with all the joy I need. If I do get married one day, it won't be for the reason of fulfilling the emptiness in the heart, NOPE!

Because being single with the Lord, with friends and family that love me - I'm quite full. My cup runs over with passion and joy. I'm excited of being me - being the single woman I am, the person I am, created in the image of God, to do the good works according to His great pleasures.

(behind the steering wheel on a hot, dusty Saturday)

When you say, I love you...

In the ICU that evening... He rubbed her bald head, looking into her now dimmed eye sight, he whispered, " Go ahead, rest now. I love you..."

I could not shake of that picture. She used to have long, thick, black hair. Beautiful and wavy. Few weeks ago, all was shaved. Bald.

My old friend was battling ovary cancer. They found out about this 6 months ago, about a year after she gave birth to her second son.

I may think that cancer is a merciless and deadly enemy, but what I saw that evening was something cancer could not kill.

What is it with this idea of 'falling in love' that I'm so used to hear every single day? What are people 'falling' for? Good looks? Muscles and biceps? Long eye-lashes and rosie cheeks? or... long, black, thick hair?

When couples say 'I do' by the altar - do they really know what's in for them? Are they even prepared for the worst scenario life will offer them?

That evening, in that ICU room, I witnessed something that Ovary cancer could not kill, something death could not take. I witnessed love... so gentle, committed and true to the end.


In loving memory of the late Pola Renta Glen...

A Tribute to Papi

Well, I've been wanting to put this in writing. I want to let all that I feel deep inside for this special person in my life flow out. My thoughts didn't settle and understanding didn't come as quick as I expected. Through the years, God has faithfully and skillfully take every threads of of many colors to paint a clear picture of this one special person in my life. And I thank Him again and again for the finished embroidery He handed me down, when it was finished. I was amazed... So, here is his story...

Di Pasar Baru
Dengan baju kuning yang masih baru itu, kami bertiga diajak jalan-jalan ke Pasar baru. Usiaku baru 6 tahun dan hari itu adalah hari ulang tahunku. Keluarga kami tidak terlalu sering berjalan-jalan ke pusat perbelanjaan, sehingga kesempatan itu sontak membuat kami kegirangan.
Toko-toko di Pasar Baru tidak sedang begitu ramai saat itu. Kami masuk dari toko yang satu ke toko yang lain. Aku tidak tahu apa yang sedang dicari oleh Mami dan Papi. Aku dan kedua adikku begitu girangnya karena tahu bahwa bakmi Gang Kelinci pasti akan menjadi hidangan istimewa hari ini. Ah, kalau dipikir-pikir, begitu sederhananya kebahagiaan kami saat itu.
Kemudian, setelah keluar masuk beberapa toko kain, aku melihat Mami dan Papi masuk ke toko emas. Aku dan kedua adikku mengikuti saja kemana mereka melangkah. Tiba-tiba namaku dipanggil oleh Mami. Dan seraya mengaitkan sebuah kalung kecil berbandul inisial namaku, mami berkata, "Ini hadiah ulang tahun dari Papi." Wah... aku terharu sekali. Bagaimana tidak, itu adalah perhiasan pertama milikku. Aku menatap Papi, hampir-hampir tidak percaya.


It's the 'Little' Things He did
Sekalipun jarang berwisata keluar, pernah sekali waktu pada saat kami libur sekolah, Papiku yang saat itu menjabat sebagai Kepala Sekolah di salah satu sekolah swasta di Jakarta, mengajak kami bertiga untuk 'berwisata' ke sekolahnya. Apa pula ini?
Dengan naik taksi, kami dibawa ke sebuah SMU di bilangan Bulungan. Memasuki pekarangan sekolah yang besar itu, aku terkagum-kagum dengan banyaknya ruang kelas dan lapangan basket dan volley yang besar. Kami bebas bermain basket, berlarian di lapangan dan koridor-koridor sekolah itu dan menggambar di papan tulisnya yang besar. Usiaku masih 9 tahun. Aku merasa begitu bangga akan Papiku hari itu...
Sekalipun disibuki dengan tugas-tugas dari sekolah dan jam mengajar les bahasa Inggris, Papi menyempatkan diri untuk melakukan hal-hal 'rumahan' lain. Di akhir pekannya, dia seringkali bisa ditemukan sedang membersihkan got di depan rumah (lengkap dengan celana pendeknya) dan dilanjutkan dengan mengganti tanah di pot-pot tanaman suplir Mami. Biasanya kalau tidak terlalu lelah, Papi sering mengajak Mami untuk pergi ke Pasar Senen dan membeli ikan yang masih fresh. Entah ikan kakap merah atau ikan mas. Semasa masih ada kolam kecil berisi ikan lele di samping rumah kami, bahkan Papi akan merelakan diri untuk melakukan barbeque tunggal dan meracik bumbu-bumbunya sendiri. Setelah itu, kami akan dengan riangnya berkumpul di meja makan dan menikmati santapan special itu.


Samosir, Bertahun-tahun yang lalu...
Papiku dilahirkan di kampung kecil di atas bukit di pulau Samosir, Danau Toba - Sumatera Utara. Ayahnya juga seorang guru. Kadang waktu mengamati tulisan Ompung Doli (begitu aku biasa memanggil kakekku), dan membandingkannya dengan tulisan tangan Papi, tak habis pikir aku melihat betapa rapi dan teraturnya tuisan-tulisan itu.
Rumah Ompungku adalah rumah tradisional berbentuk rumah panggung (ada kerbau di kolong rumah). Selain mengajar, Ompung juga bertani di ladangnya.
Sejak SMP, Papi sudah merantau ke kota lain dan tinggal di asrama. Hidupnya tidak mudah. Jauh dari Ompung, dia dididik oleh Bruder-bruder Belanda (tidak heran papiku fasih dalam bahasa Belanda).
Papi pindah dari kota ke kota dan menyelesaikan pendidikannya dalam bidang sastra Inggris. Setelah mengajar beberapa waktu di Siantar dan menikah dengan Mami, Papi kemudian memboyong kami ke Jakarta. Sepertinya kakinya tidak berhenti melangkah.
Aku pernah bertanya mengenai hal ini kepadanya, mengapa kami tidak tinggal saja di Siantar. "Papi mau kalian punya masa depan lebih baik. Di kota besar peluang untuk berhasil jauh lebih banyak." demikian selalu jawabnya.


Memory of December
Bulan Desember selalu merupakan bulan yang special bagiku. Bagaimana tidak? Itu bulan dimana kami membuat kue-kue Natal. Sekalipun jarang masuk ke dapur, untuk urusan mencetak kue, aku jagonya. Mami akan siapkan adonan-adonannya dan aku akan dengan senangnya membuat cetakan kue-kue itu. Biasanya ada adonan special yang dibuat Mami untuk 'kembang goyang', ini kue special yang garing berbentuk seperti kembang :)
Nah, untuk yang satu ini, tim kerjaku adalah ... Papi... hehehehe (adik-adikku tidak pernah tertarik dengan kegiatan ini.)
Tidak tahu kenapa, tapi Papi senang sekali untuk ikut serta, and he was pretty serious on this.
Kuali besar berisi minyak goreng dan kompor minyak tanah pun dipindahkan ke ruang tengah, di depan televisi. Adonan sepanci besar pun ikut dipindahkan bersama cetakan panjang yang ujungnya berbentuk kembang itu.
Lalu kami akan bergantian memanaskan cetakan kembang itu didalam minyak goreng yang panas kemudian mencelupkannya ke dalam adonan dan mencelupkannya lagi ke kuali. Berkali-kali... Ada berkaleng-kaleng kembang goyang yang kami buat setiap kali.
Seringkali kami baru selesai lewat pukul 12 malam. But, I love every minute of it! Karena sambil menggoreng, Papi banyak bercerita...


Jakarta, now...
Papiku kembali ke rumah Bapa pada tanggal 1 Desember, 12 tahun yang lalu. Mengenang dirinya yang begitu istimewa, aku sadar bahwa dia telah menorehkan banyak kenangan di hatiku. Aku ingin berkata seperti Andrea Hirata dalam Sang Pemimpi bahwa Papiku adalah 'Ayah juara satu sedunia'. He is the best father for me.

Though he didn't express his love in words (I craved so much to hear him say those words), now I know that he did love me. God brought back all these memories and special moments I had with Papi, assuring me of how much my Papi love me... in his own unique ways.

So God, thank You for this finished embroidery. It does look awesome...

Fingerprints on my reading glasses

In the early years when I began to use glasses, I remember how my dad used to show me how to clean up those glasses. He would put water and soap in a basin and then carefully holding the frame he would gently rub the glasses. Then dipping them several times in the water while gently cleaning them. He told me not to touch the glass but to hold firm the frame in hand. "Otherwise you would get your fingerprints on these glasses," he would say.

This morning, when I woke up and about to open up my computer, somehow my sight got blurred...I found out later it was because of my glasses. It was dirty. I looked real close and saw fingerprints all over the glasses...hmmm, must be from last nite reading session and falling asleep with those books and the bopies :)

Well, I couldn't help thinking about what my dad told me years ago, 'you would get your fingerprints on those glasses.'

Now here's what I realize. I couldn't help it that my fingerprints are all over my glasses. It would, you know, if you touch those glasses. For sure, you'll leave marks of fingerprints there.
You see, it's the same thing every time we meet people and interact with them. One way or another, we'll leave marks on them. Whether it is good or bad, of joy or sadness, of encouragement or disappointment - but your marks will be there.

With this thoughts in mind early this morning, I sort of make a promise to myself that I would leave good marks in the lives of people I meet today. I want them to feel appreciated, loved and accepted. I want them to feel uplifted and encouraged..